“Why am I this way?”

I always knew I was different.
I felt broken, defective.
Just… different. And yet, I spent my entire adult life trying to figure out what was “wrong” with me.

Therapists.
Self-help books.
Psychology, philosophy, ethics.

Come to Jesus meetings with my Mom

Late-night Google rabbit holes and whispered prayers.

I begged for answers.
Why am I this way?
Why does everything feel so heavy? So hard?
Why can’t I just be like everyone else?
Why am I being punished?
Make it stop.
Please. Just make it stop.

I’d scream in silence—trapped in a body that didn’t feel like mine, with a brain that wouldn’t slow down.
“This isn’t me…”
But it was me.
A me I hadn’t yet understood.

For 18 years, 5 months, and 29 days, Cameron and I fought side by side.
Searching for answers.
Begging for relief.
Learning, unlearning, and learning again.

I didn’t just do this for me—I did it for him.
For both of us.
Because we deserved peace. We deserved to feel safe in our own skin.
To feel whole.

This space—this Lab—is the continuation of that fight.
It’s where I lay everything I’ve learned on the table: the breakthroughs, the breakdowns, the tiny victories, the long nights, the hard truths.

Here, we don’t mask our pain. We explore it.
We don’t chase perfection. We chase understanding.
We don’t “fix” ourselves. We find ourselves.

Whether you’re just beginning your search or you’ve been on this path a long time—
Welcome. You’re not alone here.
Let’s figure it out together.

This space is the continuation of that journey.
It’s raw, real, and rooted in compassion.
Here, we explore the depths of our minds and emotions—together.

Whether you’re unraveling trauma, building emotional strength, or just trying to make it through the day, you belong here.
No masks. No shame. Just truth.

🧬 Let’s decode the messy magic of being human.

Whether you’re unpacking trauma, learning emotional regulation, or navigating daily overwhelm—you’re not alone anymore.

🔗 Read My Full Story ➤
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✍️ Today’s Journal Prompt ➤
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